MsAdventure and the Misadventures of Midlife

Ten Things We Need to Know at Midlife

2010-06-15T23:38:00.000-05:00

I went to a funeral today. I had known Bill since we were kids, and although he was a few years younger, we sometimes “hung out” in college when his fraternity was having a party. I always attributed it to his finding that easier than getting a “real” date. But it was always fun because he was such a happy, positive guy. Bill was the kind of person who made you feel that everything was going to be fine. Based on the attendance at the service, there are many who had the same feelings I did.

I listened as the pastor recounted his conversations with Bill in the last few weeks of his life, as well as those with his wife and daughters. It made me realize that even though Bill’s life was cut short, he lived it with authenticity. He really got his priorities straight.

As I reflected on Bill’s life and the impact it made on so many people, I realized his ideals remain relevant, even after his death. So, to honor his memory, I’ve come up with a list of things those of us at midlife may need to remember. At least I know I do.

1. Your relationship with God is more important than anything you will accomplish here on earth. As Matthew 6:19 says, “Do not store up for yourselves treasures here on earth . . .”

2. Relationships with others are more important than anything else you will ever have. Nurture them.

3. You have a choice as to the kind of attitude you will have, so you might as well make it positive. A positive attitude is contagious.

4. Smile.

5. Let your children and other young people see you doing good. You will never know just how much influence you may have.

6. You may be valedictorian of your class, president of the honor society, captain of your sports team, and a Summa Cum Laude graduate (Bill was all of these), but these accolades mean nothing if you don’t know how to treat people.

7. Make sure those you care about know that you do.

8. Be flexible. Things may not go the way you want them to, but you have to accept that and move on gracefully.

9. Treat everyone you meet with respect.

10. Life is what we make it. And sometimes we have the opportunity to make the lives of others better just by being who we are.

Just for today, I’ve stopped complaining about the trivial things that get in my way. Just for today I’ve tried to have a positive attitude about every situation I face. Tomorrow, I will remember today, and try to live my life less for me and more for others. Bill, thank you for reminding me that life isn’t a race or a battle. It’s all about those you meet along the way.

Diet Days and Counting

2010-06-10T00:15:00.000-05:00

Laziness has its own rewards. I’ve now been on the Lazy Chick Diet© for ten days now. I have lost somewhere between two and three pounds. That may not sound like much, but I guess slow is best. By day three I thought I would never make it, but now I can honestly say I have done pretty well. There were a couple of days where I thought I would keel over until the next meal (or whatever you call it), but I managed to muddle through. I really haven’t missed diet sodas at all. Caffeine, I’ve missed, but not necessarily in diet form. I am allowed to drink green tea, though, so I’ve managed to cut nap time down a bit.

I still haven’t learned to love the green smoothie, but I do appreciate anything that forces me to ingest vegetables – even if it almost feels like an IV. My problem is, I haven’t figured out how to add many other things to the diet, so I’m not sure how healthy it’s been.

I’m still learning some things about my eating habits. I have known for a long time that I’m an emotional eater, but I tend to eat whatever I can find to fill me up when I feel hungry. If it happens to taste good, I’ll just eat more. This didn’t matter so much when I was younger, but now that middle age has me firmly in its grasp, I have to pay closer attention to what I eat. I just don’t want to.

It’s so much easier when you’re single to just grab fast food or heat up a frozen dinner. If you cook for just yourself, it takes longer to prepare the meal than it does to eat it. Then there’s washing dishes. Does anybody really like washing dishes?

I suppose I could get back into an exercise routine. How many times have I said that recently? I’ve been helping with Bible school this week and I can’t help but notice the young moms around me who are thin, tan, and so energetic. Or the ones who pick up their kids wearing the latest workout gear and looking like they could show Jillian Michaels a thing or two. This should be some sort of incentive, but it isn’t. The days of young and fit are long behind me. Now I’m just hoping for well preserved.

Now I See Why It’s for Lazy Chicks

2010-06-03T00:00:00.000-05:00

Last week I decided to start a new diet. I was attracted to the title of The Lazy Chick Diet© mostly for the name, but I was intrigued by the concept of “alkalising” my body (that’s alkalize to you and me). Of course, in anticipation of the Memorial Day holiday and possible eating adventures, I couldn’t start right away. Besides, I didn’t want to feel deprived before I even started. So instead this being the start of week two, it’s only Day 3. But I’ve discovered some things about this diet (and myself) in the meantime that have gotten me thinking.

After buying the book online, I sat down with a Diet Pepsi, some malted milk balls, and the book to determine just what “alkalization” is. Doesn’t everybody cram before a test? Basically, the theory is that our bodies are primarily alkaline, but that we fill ourselves with acidic foods and drinks every day. Here’s one quick (and disgusting) way to find out if you’re too acidic. Get a cup of water and spit into it. If your saliva makes long strings, you’re too acidic. If it floats to the bottom immediately, you need to follow this plan and fast!

I was right about having to give up things. Sodas, even diet sodas, are forbidden. I live in the South. My people invented these things. I know people use them to take the corrosion off batteries, but they are part of my heritage.

No tea or coffee. I have wanted to wean myself from caffeine, but I didn’t plan on doing it cold turkey. It’s a good thing I’m off work and can sleep all day.

No dairy products. What? No cheese or yogurt? I don’t know if I can do this
.
No meat? Not even fish?

As you can see, this is pretty restrictive. My friend Darlene decided to start Weight Watchers, a much more sensible (and slow) plan. I can already see I am going for a jumpstart, not a lifestyle change! The author encourages me to try it for ten days. Surely I have enough willpower for that long. After that, I can start adding back some acidic foods, like fruit. Yes, most fruits are forbidden during the first ten days.

Here is my recollection of events of the past three days:

Day 1: Starting weight, 129.6; Goal weight 109. Weight I will accept: 115.
Well, I didn’t have to worry about setting the timer to make the coffee. Instead, I got up and started making the famous green smoothie that is the heart of this plan. It’s only supposed to take twenty minutes, but it took me the better part of an hour to mix things like apples, celery, cucumbers, spinsch, and avocadoes. By the time I was finished, I couldn’t wait to try what the author called “yummy” shake. Evidently she and I have different ideas about what constitutes “yummy.” It wasn’t awful, just not my idea of a treat. I decided that if I wind up not being able to drink it, I can use it as a face mask. I had two of these, plus lots of vegetables throughout the day, but no caffeine. When I wasn’t in the kitchen or the bathroom, I was on the sofa, asleep.

Day 2: I woke up with a headache. I don’t know if it was from caffeine withdrawal, a lack of sleep (at night, when I was supposed to sleep), or my body’s “natural release of toxins” from the day before. I had to go into work for awhile, and almost nodded off while talking to colleagues. So far, this need for sleep throughout the day has been the hardest adjustment.

Day 3: I woke up this morning and weighed 128.6. I’ve lost a pound, so I am at least going in the right direction now. I know it’s not healthy to lose too much too fast, so I need to get my attitude in check.

Here are the things I’ve learned so far:

I have been too dependent on caffeine to get me going in the morning!

Although, I eat to live, rather than live to eat, I do a lot of mindless and emotional eating. At times I have felt a little hungry, but even when I wasn’t, I caught myself looking for something to eat.

I do need to get back into a regular exercise routine. My once skinny arms are even showing signs of gravitational pull.

I need to do more research before I accept things at face value. This diet is based on the theories of a (nonmedical) doctor who has been somewhat discredited. I don’t think it’s a dangerous plan, it’s just not something anyone should do forever.

So, I head into Day 4 with some newfound insights and continued determination. Let’s see if that’s enough to get me up and moving.

Workouts? We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Workouts

2010-05-26T22:44:00.005-05:00

Well, it’s Wednesday, midweek, and I haven’t exercised since Saturday. That is, if you count dancing all night at a wedding reception as exercise. And since it took place at a beach in Florida, I did break a sweat. But I digress. My plan was to be thin, fit, and buff by now. I was going to eat healthier and exercise regularly. Is it possible to start your New Year’s Resolutions in the summer?

It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t outgrown so many of my clothes. Here it is summer, and my swimsuit has become “after five” wear. But even then, there’s too much daylight to hide behind anything. My cover-ups are covering less and less.

Believe me, I’ve already tried some semi-drastic measures. Nutrisystem™? Supposedly I don’t have enough weight to lose to get the program meals. So, I did what any other desperado of dieting would do. I bought some on eBay. After about a week I had gained a pound-and-a-half.

Next, I thought I’d try a quick jumpstart on my program. Something to nudge the flab on my thighs just enough to let me get back into my trouser jeans. That’s it! Alli™! It’s supposed to help really overweight people lose weight, right? Surely I wouldn’t need a lot, just enough to get started, right? I headed to the drugstore, coupon in hand, ready to try this magic pill. In case you didn’t know, this stuff stays under lock and key. I guess it’s almost as controlled as allergy medicine. The first person I asked wasn’t even authorized to open the case. The young woman who finally opened it eyed me suspiciously. No, dear, I don’t have fifty pounds to lose. But I will soon if I don’t do something now! I grabbed the stash and raced home. Since Alli™ is designed to be eaten with meals that contain fat, I was in heaven. So of course, after a couple of weeks, I have added another half pound.

Obviously, I am being repaid for making light of other people's need to lose excess weight. I know that the reigning wisdom of weight loss dictates that I need to learn to eat normal meals in moderation. And exercise. I intend to do that. Really, I do. But I know myself well enough to know that I need to see some kind of downward movement on the scale to get motivated enough to try normal.

So, without further ado, I have decided to suck it up. I have decided to try The Lazy Chick Diet© Click Here!. Hey, what could be more appropriate for someone like me? I haven’t read all the information on it yet, except to know that it’s “all natural.” I figure that means I’ll have to give up something. Or a lot of things. But not giving up anything and adding unhealthy habits hasn’t helped so far. Notice I haven’t mentioned anything about exercise yet. If I find a Lazy Chick exercise program I will be all over it. Until then, I’ll just think about it a little while longer.

The Top Ten Books I Have Read, or Started to Read, and Intend to Read This Year

2010-01-05T23:46:00.002-06:00

I’ve tried multi-tasking for years, and I’m really not very good at it. Especially when it comes to reading more than one book at a time. I have no idea why I think it’s possible, but I’ve at least narrowed it down to two at a time. Maybe one in the morning and one at night. At least for now. So here they are:
10. The Clutter Diet, by Lorie Marrero. I’m reading this one right now and so far have lost a few pounds (of clutter, that is). I’m still working on setting up my systems, but figure these things take time. I may need to read this one more than once!
9. Unclutter Your Life in One Week, by Erin Rooney Doland. (Refer to The Clutter Diet above). My entire life? In one week? Yikes! I know I need to unclutter my closet, and that’s the first thing in this book, but something tells me that I’ll need more than a week, but I’ll try.
8. 8 Choices That Will Change a Woman’s Life, by Jill Briscoe. I’m also reading this one right now, and am having to face facts about my faith. This book will not make a Christian comfortable or complacent, but then, this entire list is about facing my demons and making some changes.
7. Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill. This is a classic that I’ve started several times. I’ve got an older edition and a newer, improved model. Maybe one of them will stick.
6. How to Have More Than Enough, by Dave Ramsey. Is there something incongruous between this and Think and Grow Rich? Maybe if I think I have enough, I’ll wind up richer than I would have otherwise. Anyway, I’ll review this with Financial Peace and see if that happens.
5. the one decision, by Judith Wright. I’m not sure if I can do what all these other books tell me to do if I can only make one decision. Maybe I already made my one decision by deciding to read these books. Anyway, this book comes with a 30 day plan to your one decision. Looks like I’m going to have to pace myself.
4. How to Win Friends and Influence People. Another classic that I’ve decided to read again. I just wish everybody would – we’d all just get along!
3. Strengths finder 2.0, by Tom Rath. I figured at my age I should have figured these out by now, but may I have some I haven’t discovered yet. If it works out, I’ll let you know.
2. The Purpose-Driven Life, by Rick Warren. I always start this one fired up and always back slide. Maybe I need to discover my strengths first or make some kind of decision. Anyway, my plan is to read this during Lent to see if I can make any progress this year.
1. Dating for Dummies, by Dr. Joy Browne. Need I say more?

2010-01-05T22:52:00.001-06:00

Unclutter Your Life in One Week

Misadventures with Bad Batteries

2010-01-05T00:17:00.000-06:00

I think I have bad battery karma. If it’s been in a flashlight or under the hood, chances are I’ve had a problem with it in the past month.
The trouble seemed to start with my beautiful ’94 Mustang convertible, Salie. It’s my second car, but I still love to drive that teal bodied, vanilla-topped, beach baby roadster. But a friend and I were going to have a garage sale, and I had to move it the night before, so I hopped in to move the car. Nothing. Maybe a little rattle, but nothing to even indicate an interest in starting. So, I did what any other human would do, I pulled my other car (a reliable Honda) as closely as I could, popped the hoods, and prepared to jump the battery in the Mustang. I always keep jumper cables with me. Or so I thought. Maybe they were underneath all the recycling items I should have already taken to the center. No such luck. So, just suck it up and head to the big box hardware store.
Thirty minutes and many distractions later, I was back home, trying again. In one car and out of the other. Just another two-person job being handled by one middle-aged woman. I would never want any man to think that women just want them around for times such as these, but I can’t help but think most men would have gotten this done a lot faster. Or they would have just gotten it done. But Salie would have none of my cajoling and beseeching. After over thirty minutes of car hopping and accelerator pumping, I gave up.
Now what? I had to move the car top make room for all the stuff we were going to sell. Of course! I’ll just do what they do in the movies! I’ll just pop it into neutral and back it up. It’ll be stuck in the driveway, but at least it will be out of the way. For one brief moment, I pictured running over myself, but miraculously, the plan worked! I let it roll back several feet, jumped back in, hit the brake, and put it in park. We were able to set up the sale, worked hard the next day, and decided to where to donate the things that didn’t sell. So poor Salie sat there for weeks while I waited around for a pickup.
Once the stuff was hauled off the carport, it was time to remedy Salie’s malaise. My brother thought for sure that he could charge the battery. Of course. He’s a man, and these things always work for them. But not this time. This time Salie was really dead. It seems that in my smug glory surrounding my superhero moves, I had neglected to take the keys out of the car. So not only had I run the battery down even more, I had potentially left my car out there for anyone to steal. This is another reason you need two people to do this kind of job—one of them may lack good sense.
I was reminded of this scenario tonight after having dinner with a colleague. We had just left the restaurant and were saying our goodbyes as I got in and cranked the Honda. Or rather, TRIED to crank the Honda. I ran to Patty’s car, pounding on the door like a Banshee. I still don’t know why the battery wouldn’t start, but I assured her that I had jumper cables and I know how to use them. Again, or so I thought. It seemed I had forgotten to put them in my car after the last fiasco. Fortunately, I don’t live too far from the restaurant, and Patty was willing to put off writing lesson plans a little longer. So she graciously took me home where the jumper cables lay hiding, right by the back steps, and took me back to help me jump the Honda. Funny how it started right up as soon as we got everything hooked up. Even funnier how a guy came driving by in the parking lot, offering help, just as we finished.
Yes, the jumper cables are now tucked safely in my car. I am still thinking about what I can do differently from now on. Maybe make sure everything is turned off, especially when the temperatures are below freezing? Keep at least one male friend on speed-dial at all times? It’s tough to be at midlife and realize you have to do it all yourself now. There’s no husband to make sure everything is in top shape on the car. There’s no one to make sure ANYTHING is working, unless you hire somebody or do it yourself. It’s just another instance of getting out there

It’s That Time of Year

2009-12-25T23:53:00.000-06:00

It’s Christmas night, and it really is quiet now. Once again, I lost the meaning of Christmas and got caught up in the commercialism of the holiday season. Every year I say I won’t, but every year it’s the same. With that said, I really do hope to make 2010 a better year all the way around. Yes, I’m talking about New Year’s Resolutions. I figure if I work on what I hope to do, by next Christmas I’ll have no regrets.

First, let’s just get the usual suspects out of the way. Yes, I plan to lose weight (or at least exercise more). I also plan to save money and do more for other people. But these vague yearly resolutions are difficult to keep. Some years I try to break things down into monthly goals, but that doesn’t seem to work for me either. I could blame it on my ADD (yes, it’s been diagnosed, and that won’t surprise many of you), but I refuse to make excuses. Some things really are under my control, and I plan to change. I’m way past the time I can say “When I grow up I will . . .” So here goes:

1. I want to be one of “those” people. One of those people who always remembers birthdays, sends thank-you notes on time, and is on time. Some of you reading this are “those” people. You have no idea how much I envy you and try to emulate you. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Meanwhile, don’t be surprised if I beg you for help. I used to have a neighbor who wrote out birthday cards months ahead of time and kept them in an organized container. Maybe.

2. Get rid of some crap. There, I said it. It’s beyond “stuff” and is mostly “crap.” I’ve had two yard sales and have scheduled for a pick-up from the Rescue Mission, but enough is enough. My house is full if things I no longer need, or never even needed in the first place. How can I ever hope to be one of “those” people if I can’t control my clutter? I am starting to read a book called The Clutter Diet. I’ll let you know how it goes.

3. Really pay attention to finances. I know that’s too vague, so I’m going to follow the Dave Ramsey (Financial Peace) plan as closely as I can. I’ve made some changes, but have let things slide some during the holidays. I want to know that I can someday retire without sharing meals with my pets.

4. Yes, I plan to exercise. I had thought about trying some new programs I discovered, called Fit after Forty, and Fifty and Fabulous. And I may still try them. But as I straightened out my entertainment armoire, I noticed the dozens of workout videos I already own. If I use these now, I can kill two birds with one stone (see # 3). What do you think?

5. Pick and choose how I spend my time more carefully. I know I spend too much time at the computer, so I need to time myself, I guess. I need to say “no” when I don’t want to do something or really can’t give the time. Even doing things for other people can be a problem if you let things in your own life slide.

So, how do I propose to achieve these goals? My umbrella goal is to post to my blog more often. And that’s where you, my readers, come in. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to help hold me accountable. Feel free to comment or call me on something if I need it. One of the problems of being my age and single is that I’ve developed some bad habits and there’s nobody to do anything about it. So please help me, will you?

I’ve decided on some daily topics for my blog posts, but this is one area that may change.

Monday ------ MsAdventure’s Misadventures

Tuesday Top Ten

Wednesday Workouts

Thursday Random Thoughts

Friday Midlife Finances

Weekends Whatever

I know this list is really cheesy, but I had to organize myself somehow (see reference to ADD above). If I commit myself to this, maybe I’ll force myself to reach my goals. I don’t know if it will work, but I’ll try.

September 11

2009-09-11T23:35:00.002-05:00

2001 was a one of the most eventful years of my life. In January, my marriage officially came to an end. In June, I left a job at a private school in hopes of finding employment at a public one. By August, I was enjoying a trip to Italy with the extended family of my Italian-American next-door neighbors. Just after I returned, I got that public school job at a very good salary. Three weeks later, on September 11th, the world I had always taken for granted came to an end.

Yes, I remember what I was doing when I heard the news. My new job was at an inner-city elementary school, about an hour from New York City. Our students spoke primarily English, Spanish, and Portuguese, and many came from all over the world. After only three weeks, the job was already interesting, rewarding, and challenging. That sunny Tuesday morning I had just finished the reading lesson with my class of third and fourth graders and was anticipating that already inconsistent planning time I would get when the music teacher came to my room. Just when I thought that 10:00 session would really happen, the principal suddenly made an announcement over the intercom, asking all the specialists (art, music, P.E.) to come to the office immediately.

“Oh, no,” I thought, inwardly groaning. What is it now? What could they possibly have to do besides their jobs?

Just a few minutes later, I found out. The music teacher came into the room, and while I thought the students might actually get in a lesson, I noticed the preoccupied look on the music teacher’s face. She pulled me aside and gave me a quick rundown of the events. For a brief moment I was in shock, then remorse, for my earlier selfish attitude. She told me that our school system was going to close early, and that their “job” was to help contact parents and get children safely home. At this point, the whole school entered into a state of quiet chaos, with adults trying to keep over nine hundred kids calm while contacting every parent, relative, or neighbor we could. It seemed like hours before we got the last child and parent connected, but in reality the process was fairly swift, considering. It was in the days to come, however, that our ability to teach, nurture, and relieve would be tested.

What Not to Wear

2009-09-11T00:36:00.000-05:00

You’d think after so many years on this earth I’d be able to get dressed in the morning without a lot of thought. You’d be wrong. I long to be one of those women who walk to the closet, grab some clothes, throw them on, and then walk out the door looking like a million bucks. Instead, I often feel like any minute I may be secretly filmed by What Not to Wear. Actually, I doubt I’ll ever get nominated, even though I’d love the makeover. I don’t dress like a teenager (although Keisha, a student, did tell me today that I look “cute” and “young” in my clothes, so I may have to rethink that one); nor do I dress like my mother. I don’t wear a lot of outrageous patterns, and though I love a good thrift store, my clothes don’t look like they came from the dumpster. However, every morning, there I am, staring at my closet, thinking “What would Stacy and Clinton do?

The reality is, Stacy and Clinton rarely choose any one over the age of forty for that trip to New York and a fabulous five thousand dollar debit card. I’m not sure if it’s because they’re afraid we’ll need a nap in the middle of shopping or if Carmindy is going to have to skip the spray-on makeup and just grab a can of tinted Spackle. You’d think they’d be dying to ambush women in their forties and fifties and run shows for several hours at a time, taking us from buzzards to swans. Besides, who do they think is sitting at home watching T.V. on Friday nights, anyway?

Speaking of Friday, tomorrow is an unofficial dress down day at the school where I teach. That means a polo shirt in school colors and khaki pants. When I go to the closet in the morning, I’ll choose the one shirt that is clean and the one pair of khakis that fit. The shoes are already by the door. I should be able to get dressed quickly, but wearing this getup, I know I’ll be looking in the mirror thinking “What would Stacy and Clinton do?”

Not Dead Yet

2009-09-08T00:32:00.002-05:00

    "I'm mad as h--l and I'm not going to take it anymore." Yes, that was Peter Finch's line from the movie Network, but I'm using it anyway. I've just been "invited" to take yet another survey, but as soon as I click that range that shows my age, I no longer interest the survey sponsors.
Example: What is your age? Choose one of the following:
18-24
25-29
30-39
40-54
55+
Excuse me?
    There's a disability advocacy group called Not Dead Yet. They fight for the recognition of quality of life issues—mainly that it's not up to the rest of us to decide if someone with a disability has a good quality of life. Frankly, I think middle-aged women, especially those of us who are single, need our own advocacy group. Something like "We're Still Here," or "We're Still Relevant." Something to convince ourselves when it seems no one else notices. At a time when so many men try to live out their midlife crises, women just become invisible. Or cougars.
    Don't get me wrong. I fall prey to the youth culture as much as anybody. Potions, creams, line smoothers, I've tried them all. Not plastic surgery, though. I used to watch Discovery Health with my mother, and while she was totally fascinated with the nips and tucks, I nearly blew chow watching what was essentially a scalping. I would have to be heavily sedated before I even met the doctor for that to happen.
    Then take "shapewear." When shown on a model who's probably 5'10" and weighs 120 pounds, these things convince us that we too will be buttless wonders. I thought pantyhose had freed us from girdles forever, but now that no one wears pantyhose anymore, I guess we're doomed to repeat history. Just how many calories you burn trying to pull those things up, anyway?
    And don't get me started on hair color!
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't feel old. OK, I may be showing some signs of wear. The other day, as I stooped next to a student's desk, the girl on the other side told me not to bend down so low. "I just heard some cracking and popping." And even though the chart at Wal-Mart says my eyes are about fifteen years younger than the rest of me, I need glasses to read now. But I still have a few years left in me. I'm not dead yet.